September 9, 2026

The Mendoza Line

NFL Week 1 ~ September 9-10 & 13-14, 2026

Wednesday Night game!?! YGBSM, What is this? Who’s playing? Dolphins_vs_ Jets on the Cartoon Network?

WEDNESDAY SEPTEMBER 9 201 SEATTLE 3 44.5 New England

It’s always Wednesday in Seattle

Pick: Pats

THURSDAY SEPTEMBER 10 202 LOS ANGELES RAMS 3.5 48 San Francisco

49ers all in my brain
Lately things just don't seem the same
Actin' funny but I don't know why
'Scuse me while I kiss this guy

Am I happy or in misery?
What ever it is, that karma put a spell on me

Pick: LARams

SUNDAY SEPTEMBER 13 203 JACKSONVILLE 8.5 40.5 Cleveland

Is Jacksonville the Team of Destiny. Gotta get by the Mistake on the Lake, first.

Pick: Jax

204 CINCINNATI 3.5 50.5 Tampa Bay

Last dance with Tampa Bay
One more time to kill the pay-an
I feel karma seeping out and I'm tired of this team again

Pick: Bengals

205 Baltimore 3.5 48 INDIANAPOLIS

They, yeah those guys that think they know something, once said Lamar runs too much for the Ravens to win it all. Now they’re saying Lamar needs to run more

Pick: Ravens

206 PITTSBURGH 3.5 42.5 Atlanta

Tua’s passes flowing out like endless rain missing the paper cup
They slither wildly as they slip away across the karma-verse

Nothing's gonna change my pick
Nothing's gonna change my pick

Pick: Steelers

207 Buffalo 1 44.5 HOUSTON

Josh Allen always looks like someone asked him to solve a difficult math problem.

Pick: Bills

208 Chicago 3 47 CAROLINA

I’m going to pick Carolina in my mind. Haha. No I’m not.

Pick: Bears

209 TENNESSEE 1.5 39.5 New York Jets

J-E-S-T Jest Jest Jest

Pick: Titans

210 DETROIT 7 49.5 New Orleans

Is the act wearing thin? Dan Campbell on the hot seat

Pick: Lions

211 LOS ANGELES CHARGERS 9 47 Arizona

The Kingpin is loose, freed from HC expectations. With a real QB, Mike McDaniel will electrify this team. LAC is most definitely the Team of Destiny

Pick: Chargers

212 LAS VEGAS 3.5 40.5 Miami

I caught you knockin' at the LOTW door
I love you, Dolphins, can I have some more?
Ooh, ooh, the karma gone

I've seen the picks and the karma gone
A little part of it in everyone
But every Dolfan’s like a settin' sun

Pick: LVRaiders

213 PHILADELPHIA 5 44.5 Washington

And Mendoza’s back at home
With his Eagles, getting stoned
What a drag, Too many snags

Well I drunk a lot of bourbon
And I'm feeling fine
“Gotta make some pick”, Chick said
Is this karma all around
Or is it in my head?

Pick: Commanders by 5

214 MINNESOTA 1.5 46.5 Green Bay

Vikes are unavoidable,
my backs against the wall
Kyler gives me feelings that I never felt before
Vikings always looked good to me, but now I find them…
Simply irresistible

Kool-aid so fine, there's no tellin' where the karma went

Pick: Packers

215 Dallas 3 48 NEW YORK GIANTS

Once upon a time you picked so fine
Could play either side of any line
In your prime, didn't you?

Now you don't talk so loud
Now you don't seem so proud
About having to giddy-up
Your next karma

Pick: Giants

MONDAY SEPTEMBER 14 216 KANSAS CITY 2.5 43.5 Denver

You know it’s Friday noon so don’t be SUCH. A. DICK.
I'll kick you out of LOTW if you don't MAKE. THAT. PICK.
The Chiefs bust in and says, "WHAT’s. THAT. NOISE?"
Aw, Mahomes, you're just jealous, it's the KARMA. BOYZ.
You gotta fight… for your right… to Kaarrr-ma

Pick: Broncos

Woo Hoo!